


Something Broken

by Ghost0fWinter



Series: Writing Commissions [3]
Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Barebacking, First Time, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Writing Commission, blowjob, but smut basically, or shameless smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 07:44:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7258714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghost0fWinter/pseuds/Ghost0fWinter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following The Broken Sun. </p>
<p>Goku keeps the pendent that he had bought for Sanzo. He feels alone and afraid, like he'll lose it all again just like this broken pendent. Sanzo comforts him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Broken

**Author's Note:**

  * For [illegalitygirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/illegalitygirl/gifts).



> Just as a note, this commission has taken me the longest to write because of RL complications. It was originally NSFW, but because of the long wait time and how patient and understanding you've been, I really wanted to give it a little extra.
> 
> So, I really hope you like it!

_Could something broken ever be fixed?_

  
_Could something trapped in darkness ever find its way to the light?_

The flutter of wings outside caught Goku’s attention long enough to see two birds flying towards the moon that hung high in the sky. When had it gotten so dark? He wanted to reach out to them, like he always had in the past, but that was mostly out of nervous habit than an actual need for them to return. He had always envied birds in the past. They were free, while he had been trapped inside a cage. They were able to come and go as they pleased, while he had been forced to watch everything change from inside the safety of his prison.

It seemed like a long time since he had been freed, and yet sometimes it felt as if he would open his eyes and find himself back in there, and that his life with Sanzo had been all just a long dream. He knew it wasn’t true, but in the back of his mind he was still afraid of the impossible.

Goku sat on the edge of the bed, the soft mutterings of Hakkai and Sanzo barely even registered in his head. He was too deep in thought to notice. He wasn’t supposed to be afraid, not really. He was supposed to be strong; strong enough to protect Sanzo from anyone who wanted to hurt him. But how could he be strong and afraid at the same time?

He was sure that Gojyo would just call him childish, as would Sanzo. Maybe he _was_  being childish. Being afraid of something that isn’t true—that couldn’t possibly be true. It was stupid, and he knew it, but he couldn’t stop himself from being afraid. Even if he squeezed his eyes shut and prayed, the fear would still linger in the back of his mind. He’d stop thinking about it and maybe go months without feeling it, but it always came back. That lingering fear of abandonment, of loneliness, of isolation; he never wanted to return to that.

Reaching into his pocket, Goku pulled out the broken pendent that he had kept. The metal had been cracked down the middle, splitting the golden sun in half. He knew that he should have tossed it out, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. Looking at it brought him a sense of comfort, and a sense of dread. He didn’t want to lose his sun, like he had lost this one.

“—ku. Goku.”

Two fingers snapped in front of his face, causing Goku to jump a little. His first reaction was to clench his hand into a fist, hiding the broken pendent from view. Golden eyes widen a bit, looking towards the door and seeing it closed, then finally realising that everyone was gone and it was just him and Sanzo in the room.

“What are you doing?” Sanzo asked, a brow slightly raised as he tapped his cigarette box on the palm of his hand. One of the sticks shot up and out of the container, and Sanzo was quick to pluck it up and place it between his lips.

Goku forced out a laugh. He knew how strained it sounded, but he didn’t really want to get into it. “I’m hungry, 's all,” he said, falling back into old routines. “Think Hakkai would make me a snack if I go ask later?”

There was a long silence after Goku finished speaking that made the smaller man very uncomfortable. He shifted in his seat, trying to at least find a position that would make himself less small than he all ready felt. Sanzo’s piercing gaze didn’t help his nerves though, and when the monk held his hand out without saying a word, the monkey deflated a bit. He knew how pointless it was to lie to Sanzo.

It was slow, but finally Goku’s fingers opened to reveal the pendent that they had hidden. He didn’t hand it over just yet, but simply stared down at it for a moment before letting out a soft sigh. Sanzo hadn’t really told him to throw it out, but he hadn’t exactly kept it either. When Goku woke up that next morning to see the pendent still on the table he shoved it in his pocket before it could be tossed out by Hakkai or Gojyo when they came in. Reluctantly, Goku let the pendent drop onto Sanzo’s waiting hand.

Goku didn’t look up to meet Sanzo’s eyes and instead simply stared down at the floor. The silence that stretched between them was suffocating, making Goku agitated. Sanzo didn’t move, didn’t speak, he simply stood in front of him doing nothing but holding the pendent in his hand. Goku had been about to speak, to say another joke to break the silence, when Sanzo finally moved to take a seat beside Goku on the bed.

“Are you still upset about this breaking?” Sanzo asked, and while the silence had been broken, it didn’t really make Goku feel any better.

Goku gripped the sheet under him, messing with it to give himself a sort of distraction. “It’s not that I’m upset…” Goku paused for a moment before he finally looked up. He didn’t turn to face Sanzo though, and instead he stared at the window watching the moon through the bars. “Sometimes I have these… dreams. Where I’m back in the cage. I know your name, an’ I try to call out to you, but when I do, I don’t have a voice.” Goku slowly reached up to rub his throat, as if the dream would suddenly come true.

He recalled screaming until his throat felt raw, screaming for Sanzo but hearing nothing, just the silence that seemed deafening. “I would scream an’ scream until I couldn’t anymore. I’d call out to you, but you couldn’t hear me. An’ you never came.” Goku forced himself to smile, looking up at Sanzo. Scratching the back of his head, he tried to think of something, anything, to break the tension he felt. “It’s stupid, I know. But I kept the pendent ‘cause it made me feel a little safer.”

The blond was silent for a moment, looking down at the pendent before setting the two halves on the nightstand beside the bed. He let out a slow exhale of smoke before looking down at Goku. He didn’t really think of what he was doing, but he didn’t stop himself either. Reaching over to wrap an arm around Goku, he pulled the younger man closer to him, his hand resting on his head.

“As long as you keep calling for me, I’ll come find you,” Sanzo said, taking a long drag of his cigarette.

Goku stared up at him for a moment, and finally he didn’t have to force a smile. He pressed his face against Sanzo’s shoulder, letting himself relax. “But you always said that it was annoying how I always kept callin’ for you.”

“It _is_  annoying,” Sanzo’s fingers gently began to stroke Goku’s brown hair. “So I have to find you and shut you up.”

Goku’s laughter wasn’t forced and instead he felt light again. The dark thoughts that had clouded his mind for the past couple of days had finally disappeared, and in its place was the bright ray of sunlight that he always felt around Sanzo. “I really love you, Sanzo,” he said, his smile only growing bigger the longer he looked up at the monk. Sanzo was the most important person in the world to him; his sun.

Sanzo’s fingers, which were now tangled in Goku’s messy hair, stopped their movements. He was staring at the younger man, and before he could stop himself he was reaching up to pull the cigarette out from between his lips. He crushed it into the ashtray, then pulled Goku closer to him, pressing his lips against his in a hesitant but soft kiss.

Goku’s eyes widen a bit at the touch, but his heart only seemed to swell and his body burned as all his blood rushed to his face. This was new, and he hadn’t been expecting it, but it wasn’t unpleasant in any way. Slowly Goku leaned up, pressing against Sanzo to return the kiss. Once Sanzo felt Goku relaxing, he cupped the boy’s cheeks with his hands and only deepened the kiss. Their connected lips only seemed to get hotter the longer the kiss lasted; Goku had sat up enough to straddle Sanzo’s lap, all while wrapping his arms around the man’s neck to hold himself even closer.

After what felt like an eternity Sanzo finally broke the kiss, pulling back enough to look at the boy sitting comfortably on his lap. He hadn’t expected things to go this far; he hadn’t expected things to go anywhere really, but Goku’s cheeks were flushed a soft rosy red and the smile the boy had was brighter than anything else in the room. It was clear that Goku was out of breath and his pupils were blown as well. Trying his best to ignore that, Sanzo leaned his head down to rest on Goku’s shoulder, pressing a small kiss to Goku’s neck.

“If you’re feeling better, we should get some sleep,” Sanzo muttered against the smooth skin of Goku’s throat.

Goku was silent for a moment before he responded. “'M'not tired.”

“You’re only going to complain about it in the morning, monkey.”

Goku couldn’t help himself; the roll of his eyes came without him actually thinking about it. “Will not.”

The blond monk quirked a brow at the action that had been as sudden and unexpected as Hakkai picking up a cigarette and smoking it willingly. “Don’t roll your eyes at me.”

The grin that spread over Goku’s lips was more teasing than not, and Sanzo was beginning to think that perhaps leaving Goku alone with Gojyo for too long was indeed a terrible idea. “Whatcha gonna do ‘bout it?”

Without much hesitation, and more than a little irritation, Sanzo moved his hand behind Goku’s head and pulled the boy down for another kiss, though this time he made sure his tongue slipped between Goku’s teeth without much of a warning. The gasp that followed the action made the corners of Sanzo’s mouth twitch as Goku curled his hands into his robes. While tongues wrestled, Sanzo’s hands slid down Goku’s frame to hold his waist, dragging him closer until there was no space left between them. Eventually he pulled back, only to move down to Goku’s neck to lick and kiss his way down the warm skin there.

“When the hell did you get to be such a smartass?” One hand moved from its position on Goku’s waist to the boy's shirt collar to tug it down enough to expose his collarbone, which he gradually nipped at.

“Nn,” Goku’s cheeks were burning a bright red now as his grip on Sanzo’s robes tightened a bit. “I guess Gojyo’s been rubbin’ off on me.”

“Hmpf.” Sanzo bit down a bit harder on the spot. “That guy’s an annoying influence.” The blond monk pulled back enough to observe the bite before leaning down and sucking on the skin, hard enough to leave a dark mark. Goku couldn’t seem to get anything out after that, his eyes fluttering shut as he tried his best not to squirm and gasp too much.

Finally satisfied with the mark he had left, Sanzo pulled the collar further down, exposing a bit more of skin right over Goku’s heart. The blond leaned down, lips hovering right over the spot he knew the boy’s heart would be, before he bites down on the skin once more. This time Goku couldn’t stay quiet. A soft mix of a gasp and a moan fell from his lips, his head tilting forward a bit to press against Sanzo’s hair. He couldn’t stop the shiver that went down his spine or the fact that he was all but trembling in Sanzo’s hold.

Sanzo had to make himself stop, pulling away from what he had been doing to rest his forehead against Goku’s chest, sighing out a hot breath that brushed the wet skin. Women had never done anything for him, and neither had men. Despite all that, this stupid little monkey that was trembling on his lap was somehow driving him absolutely crazy. Being unable to stop himself, Sanzo leaned up to bite at Goku’s neck once more, though he resisted the urge to leave another mark. “Quit squirming so much, stupid monkey…”

Goku’s hands came up to curl into blond hair, holding Sanzo’s head where it was. “I-I can’t help it, Sanzo…” Trying his best to catch his breath, Goku continued. “I-I’m really hot…” Things he had never really thought about, never really felt, were all slowly bubbling towards the surface with every kiss and every bite that Sanzo gave him. He wasn’t an idiot, contrary to what Sanzo and Gojyo might say about him on a daily basis. He knew things, for the most part, just didn’t—*know* everything. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling to begin with, he just knew that everything suddenly felt really hot and he was burning up. Every kiss made his heart flutter, and every bite made a strange noise get stuck in his throat. He felt good, and he didn’t want this to stop.

For a moment Sanzo didn’t do anything. He watched Goku from behind his eyelashes; watching the way that blush covered Goku’s tan cheeks, and how his golden eyes only seemed to grow darker. Finally he grabbed Goku’s head once more and crushed their lips together in another heated kiss. Tongues fought, and this time it wasn’t as awkward as the first time. Goku was pressing back, giving the kiss his all as he tried to copy Sanzo’s movements. While he wanted to continue, his lungs needed oxygen, and Sanzo had to break the kiss.

Goku was panting breathlessly, golden eyes now almost the colour of honey and hazy from the pleasure of those kisses. His pupils were completely blown now, and his lips were kiss-swollen and parted with each breath he took. “Sanzo…”

He couldn’t help himself. Sanzo kissed Goku again, though it was quick and he all but growled against Goku’s lips. “Do you have to look at me like that…? Dammit…” Sanzo was trying to restrain himself from doing something he very much wanted to do, but with Goku squirming on him like that, and the constant groans the boy was making, Sanzo had enough.

His hands moved down, sliding over Goku’s arse as he picked the boy up and turned him, pushing him back onto the mattress and hovering over him as he knelt between his legs. Sanzo’s hands were on either side of Goku’s head to hold himself up, violet eyes staring down at the boy. It was clear to him that Goku hadn’t been expecting him to do that, though as seconds passed, Goku’s smile returned, and Sanzo couldn’t help but lean down once more and press another kiss to his lips. His hands were moving on their own, sliding further down until they were slipping under Goku’s soft yellow shirt, pushing up to expose some skin.

Goku’s mind was fuzzy. He was no longer thinking about what would happen if he was lost to Sanzo again. Now, all he could think about _was_  Sanzo. The way the man tasted on his lips, the way his fingers felt in his hair, on his skin. So when Sanzo’s fingers brushed over one of his nipples, the moan that followed made Goku turn his head and press it against the sheets. Sanzo’s head moved from Goku’s lips down to his chest, licking and biting at each pink nub, wanting to see and hear each of Goku’s reactions. It wasn’t until he felt something pressing against his thigh and made a rather loud moan from Goku that Sanzo finally pulled away.

“Keep your voice down,” Sanzo said, lips moving against wet skin. As much as he liked listening to those grunts and moans, they still had to consider the fact that Gojyo and Hakkai were in the next room over. Before Goku could even have a chance to speak, Sanzo’s hand found the slight tent in Goku’s boxers.

Goku had to turn his head, pressing the back of his hand against his mouth to muffle the sharp moan that followed once Sanzo fully touched him. His body felt as if it was burning, but he didn’t want the sensation to stop; it felt good. Whatever Sanzo was doing to him felt good. Goku couldn’t help himself though, and began to roll his hips up to rub himself against Sanzo’s palm. The friction was blissful and it only added to the sensation.

The friction didn’t last long though, and the moment Sanzo moved his hand Goku’s eyes snapped open and looked up at the man in a rather desperate need for his touch. “Sanzo—“

“Shh.”

The blond pulled down Goku’s boxers enough to expose him, giving a slight pause at the sight of Goku’s arousal; the tip was all put pressed against Goku’s navel. Sanzo was so fixated on it that he barely caught the slight shudder from Goku and the way his hips moved to allow him to completely remove the boxers. Once done, Sanzo tossed them aside and spread Goku’s legs a little more, simply staring down at him.

“Sanzo…” This time his tone was a little breathless; it was soft and laced with desire and it made Sanzo groan. He wanted to hear Goku say his name like that over and over again.

Sanzo took hold of Goku’s erection, slowly stroking him; all the while his eyes were glued to Goku’s face, watching his every reaction. Goku’s lips parted in a silent gasp, hips bucking and rolling against Sanzo’s hand. That soft blush on his cheeks darkened considerably, and Goku turned his head to press against the pillows, muffling any noises. While Sanzo really wanted to hear them, he also knew they couldn’t be loud.

“Look at me,” Sanzo said, pausing in his movements. Goku whined at the loss of the sweet pleasure that had his head fuzzy and his body burning. “Look at me,” Sanzo repeated, slowly rubbing his thumb along the underside, right below the head. Finally, golden eyes opened and moved over to Sanzo, lips parted in a silent plea.

Without another word Sanzo moved down to kiss Goku again, his hand continuing to stroke him. The kiss didn’t last long and the blond was moving down his jaw and neck, biting on skin as he made his way down to his navel. Before Goku could even say anything Sanzo had taken him in his mouth, slowly licking at the head as his hand stroked the shaft. Goku’s fingers gripped the sheets tightly and his hips jerked; Sanzo had to place a firm hand on the boy’s hips to keep him still so he wouldn’t choke him. Pulling away from Goku’s hard arousal, Sanzo was quick to wet three fingers with his saliva, and while Goku was distracted, Sanzo pressed only one against his entrance and slowly began to push it in. They didn’t have anything for lubricant other than this, probably not ideal, so he’d have to be extra gentle with him.

“S-Sanzo?”

Violet eyes opened, staring at Goku in a silent question. *Do you want me to stop?*

Goku opened his mouth to speak again, but instead simply rolled his hips down, then up to slide a little deeper into Sanzo’s mouth. While he was irritated, Sanzo didn’t pull away. This was going to hurt, so Goku deserved the pleasure he could get. He slowly rocked his finger in and out, letting Goku get used to the feeling before pushing in another one. That caused a low groan of pain to leave Goku and the monk paused for a moment, focusing his attention on Goku’s cock. He gave the head a kiss, then licked his way down to the base before moving back up to take him in his mouth once more. Once Goku had relaxed again Sanzo began to move his fingers, stretching him out as best he can and curling them.

While it felt odd to have something up there, it didn’t feel bad. It burned, but he was also feeling too good to actually think about it. It wasn’t until Sanzo pressed against something inside him that Goku was unable to muffle the sudden long moan that erupted from him.

“Ah—!” Goku squeezed his eyes shut and pushed his hips down, wanting to feel that again. Sanzo pulled away from Goku, leaving a string of saliva connecting his tongue to the tip of Goku’s cock, before a slight smirk broke it. Sanzo curled his fingers again, pressing against those bundle of nerves and watching as Goku’s hips jerked and his erection start to leak precum. He took this opportunity to add another finger, continuing to stretch Goku out until he was at least somewhat open.

Once satisfied, Sanzo pulled his fingers out and stood off the bed. The look that Goku gave him—a look of desire and wanting, and also slightly annoyed that Sanzo had moved—made the monk’s movements all the faster. He stripped of his robes, making sure the sutra was neatly tucked away before he set them aside. He discarded the rest of his clothes in quick succession before he was left bare.

Goku pushed himself up, pulling off his shirt and throwing into the pile that had formed on the floor. Sanzo was crawling back into bed before Goku could do much else though, and pushed him back down to lay on his back. Sanzo leaned back on his knees, stroking himself to relieve some of the pressure, then spat on his hands to coat his erection with some sort of make-shift lube.

“It’s going to hurt at first,” Sanzo warned, slowly rubbing the head of his cock against Goku’s entrance. He could feel the slight twitch of the muscle and it only made him groan.

“'S'okay… I can take it,” Goku muttered back in a breathless whisper. He spread his legs a little wider, giving Sanzo better room.

Sanzo should have thought this through. He knew he was going to hurt Goku like this; there was little to no decent lubricant and this was his first time. Maybe—

“Please, Sanzo…”

Sanzo groaned softly, both in frustration and desire, before he took hold of himself once more and slowly guided himself towards Goku’s entrance. He rubbed the head against it slowly, then began to push his way inside. Even with the preparation beforehand, Goku was extremely tight and it was hard to move. He could feel Goku’s muscles clenching at the intrusion and he could see how Goku’s eyes squeezed shut at the sudden pain.

“You have to relax,” Sanzo said with a grunt, pausing so only the head was inside.

“It hurts—“

“I know.” Sanzo leaned down, pressing a soft kiss along Goku’s jaw line before he was reaching down between them and grabbing hold of Goku’s cock. He was glad to see that it was still hard and that the pain didn’t lessen the experience for the younger man. Goku’s soft whimpers turned into low moans and Sanzo took that as a sign to move. He continued to push his way inside, working through the tight ring of muscles at the beginning until he found that he could move easier. Goku didn’t protest anymore and simply spread his legs a bit wider to give Sanzo easier access. Once he was completely buried to the hilt is when Sanzo stopped again.

“How are you doing, Goku?” Sanzo asked, pulling back just enough to look down at the honey golden eyes that were so dark they almost looked black. Goku’s lips were parted, kiss-swollen, and they only made Sanzo want to kiss him again and again and again until they both couldn’t breathe and their lungs burned for air.

“I feel full,” Goku muttered, gripping the sheets beside his head as he took in slow deep breaths. Pain was something he was used to—he had gotten hurt far worse than this—so working pass the pain was a lot easier than he thought it would be. Once Sanzo was completely inside him it was easier to focus on the other sensations; how warm Sanzo’s hands felt on him, how good it felt when Sanzo would rub the underside of this cock with his thumb, how good it felt to have him buried so deep inside him that he felt full—and he’s never felt full. “Feels good.”

Those few words comforted Sanzo a lot more than they should’ve. The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt Goku— _actually_  hurt him. Not like this. Sanzo leaned down, crushing their lips together again and slowly slipping his tongue pass Goku’s teeth. Goku responded quickly this time, tangling his fingers in golden blond hair and moaning softly against Sanzo’s lips as the man slowly rolled his hips. He didn’t pull out yet, instead he grinded against Goku until the smaller man had to pull away from the kiss to catch his breath. His cheeks were flushed and this time his lips were parted with soft pants and groans.

Sanzo took that as an invitation. He pulled back, releasing Goku’s cock and settling his hands on Goku’s hips. He lifted them up a bit, then slowly eased out until only the head was inside. The first thrust was hard and deep, and had Goku’s head snapping back and his fist tangling with the sheets once more. Sanzo did it again, and the moan that followed was breathless and wanting. Goku felt too good to continue his teasing though, and after a couple more hard thrust he settled on an easy rhythm of sliding in and out of Goku at the right pace so he could watch every reaction that was pulled from the brunet; every gasp and moan, every arch of his back, when he would tighten his grip on the sheets, and when his eyes would roll back into his head.

It still burned a little, but the pain was mostly gone now. Goku felt full and it was a sort of fantastic feeling—feeling Sanzo sliding in and out of him the way he was. But suddenly it wasn’t enough and Goku was grabbing at Sanzo’s shoulders, moving his hips in time with Sanzo’s thrusts. His head tilted to the side, and the string of words that flowed out of his lips were a jumbled mess that was barely comprehensible.

“What—?”

“Fuck—“

Goku shifted enough that he could wrap his legs around Sanzo’s waist, linking his ankles and locking them in place. He tangled his fingers in blond hair before he dragged Sanzo’s head down for another kiss. This seemed to get his message across and Sanzo was speeding up just a bit, shifting his position until he struck down on Goku’s prostate quickly and very suddenly. Goku had to break from the kiss to bite down on Sanzo’s shoulder to muffle his scream, his nails digging into the skin of Sanzo’s bicep.

Sanzo could feel Goku squeezing him and if this continued he wasn’t going to be able to last much longer. Pleasing himself with his hand was nothing compared to how tight and hot Goku felt. And he was going to explode. He knew Goku wouldn’t be able to last much longer either, so he focused on hitting that bundle of nerves again and again until Goku couldn’t even make words. He went from biting down on Sanzo’s shoulder to biting the sheets—biting his arm.

“Sanzo—Sanzo! I-I’m—“ Goku’s words were cut off by Sanzo crushing their lips together to silence him. They still needed to be as quiet as they could manage and as much as he’d love to hear Goku screaming his name like that, well, he didn’t exactly want Hakkai and Gojyo to hear it as well. Sanzo reached between them, stroking Goku in time with his own thrusts until he felt Goku arching under him. He felt Goku’s cock give a slight spasm, twitching as strings of sticky white cum splattered all over Goku’s stomach and some on Sanzo’s hand. His walls were squeezing him, and he barely had the time to ease out of Goku before he was spilling himself on Goku’s navel.

His whole body felt as if it was floating, tingling and heavy all at the same time. Goku didn’t exactly know how to explain how he felt. He felt good and empty and, god, he felt *tired*. “Sanzo?” Goku muttered, watching as the monk lay down beside him to catch his breath.

“Hm?”

“Love you.”

Sanzo paused, looking down at Goku for a moment before a slight smile curled on his lips. He sat up, leaning against the headboard and combing his fingers through brown hair. “Get some sleep, Goku.”

Goku shifted, moving closer to the monk. He rest his head against Sanzo’s lap, closing his eyes, and in seconds he was fast asleep. Sanzo stared down at him for a couple seconds before he reached over towards the nightstand and grabbed the pack of cigarettes. He placed one between his lips, lighting it, and taking a long drag. Leaning his head back, Sanzo kept one hand on Goku’s hair while the other was on his lap. Goku already knows he returns the affection without him saying it, and the boy should know better than to ever doubt him. He loves this dumb ape, too.


End file.
